HIVE Conversations
by DivineRedFire
Summary: This is just a bunch of conversations with characters from HIVE that I've been writing for fun at the official website where it has positive reviews and gained popularity. I hope its the same here. Updates will be once a week. I hope you all enjoy!
1. 1: Don't Piss Off A Cat

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**Forethought:**

Heylo heylo everyone. For those of you who don't know me (which I find absolutely impossible, oh, watch out, I have a big ego) I am Red Fire Divine, your new leader in the quest for hilariouty. I've been writing these conversations for a while on Mark Walden's website (.net/bbpress/) where they've become qutie popular. I know most of you don't enjoy this form of format in writing but hey, whaddaya gonna do? It's the best way to write these things that aren't supposed to be taken seriously. So for those of you who don't care which way you're entertained, I hope you like it. And for those who don't like this style, maybe this'll change your mind, maybe not. Eiterh way I have but eight words to say, _come to the dark side, we have cookies_. (Low-fat cookies but still cookies.) Review all.

_**-**__**Fire

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**Obvious Diclaimer:**

I do not own HIVE or any of the characters. That would Mark Walden and the Bloomsbury publishing house. If I owned any of them you could bet your ass there would've been a lot more commercials about a yet to be filmed movie!! And also a lot more toys!

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**Don't Piss Off A Cat**

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Shelby: Hey guys.

Laura: What's that?

Shelby: I saw it Ms. Leon's room. Looked like she wouldn't miss it.

Otto: You took her flea collar?

Wing: She has fleas?

Shelby: Now she does.

Wing: Is it because of that exercise in which she completely humiliated you? *snickers*

Shelby: *turns red* How 'bout I completely humiliate you, pretty boy?!

Laura: What'd she do?

Wing: She-

Shelby: *covers his mouth with her hand* Nothing.

Raven: *walks in* She made her fall in the trap door.

Otto: *snickering* What?

Shelby: *leers at him to death*

Otto: *is taken aback by the depth of her anger*

Raven: Ms. Leon landed in front of Shelby from the ceiling, startled her; she staggered backward and fell into the pit she had avoided seconds earlier.

Shelby: Grrr...

Laura: *snickers*

Shelby: Shut it Brand.

Laura: Oh, come on, Shel.

Ms. Leon: *comes into the picture sliding her butt on the floor in a vain attempt to relieve herself of fleas* Detention!

Shelby: Worth it. *smiles and twirls the flea collar on her finger*

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**Any Last Thoughts?**

Hope ya liked it. And remember the three R's. REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!!!

lol Thank you for your time. I will be updating once a week with my fairly large archive of conversations. Have fun all!

-Your Friendly Neighborhood Pyromaniac

**_Fire_**

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	2. 2: Yes, Wolverine IS Canadian!

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**Forethought:**

Hey everyone. I know its been over a week (barely) so sorry to all of you who read this and liked it. Don't worry, they actually get VERY funny later so if you don't like this, go ahead and skip to the next one because its actually quite entertaining. I can't reveal anything but whatever. Enjoy!

-_**Fire**_

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**Obvious Disclaimer:**

I do **NOT** own HIVE or any of its characters. If i did this would be canon, and trust me, you don't want that.  
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**Yes, Wolverine IS Canadian

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Otto: *walks into the girl's room with Wing* What's that?

Shelby: Brand here found a transmission for a movie being shown on TV.

Otto: Ooh. Which one is it?

Brand: The greatest super spy of all.

Otto: *obviously excited* James Bond?!

Shelby: No, Austin Powers.

Otto: *clearly disappointed* Oh.

Laura: *nudges her with her elbow* Shel.

Shelby: You're no fun.

Laura: It is in fact *does her best impression of a Bond Girl* Mr. Bond.

Wing: *pulls up a seat* Which one is it?

Laura: I'm not sure.

Otto: Shh. It's starting.

Shelby: I wish we had snacks.

Otto: Shh!

Shelby: *under breath* Why don't you just marry James Bond? Not like he's better than Wolverine.

Wing: The character is Canadian.

Shelby: Say what?

Laura: Can anyone tell which one it is?

Otto: Oh no...

Wing: You know which one it is in the first five seconds?

Otto: Unfortunately yes, it's the worst Bond Film of all...*shivers*

Shelby: Which is...?

Laura: *as the title comes up* A View to Kill?!

Wing: *backs away from the computer screen*

Otto: The man was 57 years old, what could've possibly made him want to do a Bond film at that age? He was older than the Bond girl's mother!

Shelby: Never seen it.

Otto: And I suggest you don't.

Shelby: Uh...the only alternative to this is...what's the alternative?

Laura: *shrugs her shoulders*

Wing: *looks at Otto*

Otto: *shakes head* Nothing's going to get me to see this one again... *tries to walk out but the doors stay shut*

*over the PA system*

Female computer voice: Warning, the school is under attack. Warning, the school is under attack.

Otto: *the Bond film plays in the background* God no!! *tries his hardest to open the door*

Shelby: Kick it!

Otto: *kicks it and falls over clutching his leg*

Laura: What'd you do that for?

Shelby: I wanted to see if he'd actually do it.

Otto: *wills the door open*

*A gigantic tentacle tries to slither in*

Otto: *shuts the door* *looks between the Bond film and the door* I'll take my chances. *takes in a deep breath* If I don't survive...well, you know.

Wing: You're not doing this without me Otto.

Otto: I know.

Laura: *puts a hand on his shoulder* We'll all be with you.

Otto: *sits down on a chair and watches the film* *quickly covers his eye* My eyes!

Shelby: Monster?

*everyone shakes their heads*

Otto: Let's go.

*everyone runs out the door*

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**Any Last Thoughts?**

Well, for those who didn't heed my warning, thank you for reading. And feel lucky, I'm updating twice to apologize!! XD lol Enjoy the next one! (I hope)

**_-_**Your Friendly Neighborhood Pyromaniac

**_Fire_**

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	3. 3: Otto VS Biollante!

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**Forethought:**

Hello everyone who either skipped due to my advice or actually read the previous one and are rewarding themselves by reading where the good ones start!! This is basically where the coherent stories start and they become less and less snippets and more and more or conversations (or as Mark Walden calls them, _dialogue_). I hope you guys enjoy these as much as he.

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**Obvious Disclaimer:**

If I owned HIVE I would be out hunting for a publisher to publish books 3 and 4 in the US. that and I'd also, probably, be kidnapped by black clad super agents due to my blabber mouth. HIVE IS REA-

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**Otto Vs. Biollante

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*Otto, Wing and Nigel are walking down the corridor into the Botany lab*

Otto: This experiment better not end up like Violet did.

Wing: My wrist still has a bruise from that day.

Nigel: I thought Raven was the one that broke your wrist.

Wing: Yes but I still have the bruise.

Otto: That was like two years ago!

Wing: I know. I'm surprised as well. Luckily for me I don't write with this hand...I used to though.

Otto: Ouch.

Nigel: Anyhow...

Otto: Oh right, right...this better not-

Nigel: You already said that.

Otto: Sorry, it's just...it's been two years and his wrist is still purple.

Nigel: I can tell.

Otto: Two years!

Nigel: I get it.

Otto: I know but it's just...I'm so relieved she's never hurt my wrist that bad...I mean, I'm nowhere near your physical prowess Wing, I'd probably die in the first three minutes out of pain.

Wing: And cry like a baby.

Otto: Hey.

Wing: I'm just saying.

Nigel: Okay, we're really off topic.

Wing: Fair enough. What monster do you have for us this time?

Nigel: A few.

Otto: This isn't going to end well...

Nigel: But this time they're harmless. They rely on photosynthesis for food unlike Violet.

Otto: Oh hey, did you ever get that head stone we made for Violet? You weren't there and we gave it to Franz to give to you.

Nigel: Yeah...

Wing: You didn't like it?

Nigel: I did but...Franz sat on it before he gave it to me.

Otto: Oh...

Wing: Uh...anyway...

Nigel: Oh right, of course...*clears throat* Anyway, this one here I call Jerry. Don't ask. It just popped in my head.

Otto: There's a guard named Jerry you know.

Wing: I didn't know they had names. Well, I knew but I didn't know them.

Otto: Yeah...

*Jerry growls*

Wing: Why did it growl?

Nigel: Uh...he shouldn't be able to.

Otto: *sigh* I'll go get the kit.

Nigel: Wait, you have a kit incase my things go wrong?

Wing: Just a little one.

Nigel: Well there's no need, I made a Murder Button incase it goes wrong. *looks around the lab* Hey where'd it go?

Otto: Um, did Jerry always have a mouth?

Jerry: *gulp*

Nigel: Oh no...

*all three boys back away slowly*

Otto: *sigh* Remind me to punch you the next time you make another experiment?

Nigel: Sure can.

Otto: Great...now all we have to do is survive until then.

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Three days later

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Otto: We were sieged for three days by Biollante; I'm with everyone when I say we should ban you from the lab.

Nigel: How was I supposed to know the murder button was in my pocket the whole time? I mean, at least it worked.

Otto: I wish I had a murder button right now...

Nigel: *scoffs* I already do.

Otto: What?

Nigel: Nothing. *shifty eyes* I'm going to go...uh...um...NOT make experiments...bye.

Otto: He's going to kill me with a murder button isn't he?

Wing: Or he's just going to make another experiment...either way I believe your life might be in danger.

Otto: Was there ever a simple time in being a student at HIVE?

Wing: No.

Otto: *sigh* I know...wait, wasn't I supposed to punch him before he makes another? *runs after Nigel* I am not gonna get eaten by another Biollante!!

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**Any Last Thoughts?**

Well, that was it. Thrilling huh? (You can either interpret this as sarcasm or as an actual question. Whatever's your preference. I shal lupdate soon, and I promise it WILL be within a week this time.

'Till next time. Good night!!

-Your Friendly Neighborhood Pyromaniac

_**Fire**_

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	4. 4: Why HIVE No Longer Has Art Class

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**Forethought:**

*sits in front of a fireplace and looks up from a book she's reading* Oh, I didn't see you there. _Scared the crap out of me._ Ahem. Uh, ignore what I just said-er, wrote. Uh, well this is my latest conversation/dialogue. Call it whatever, just review. I hope you all like my explanation as to why HIVE doesn't have Art Classes. *goes back to reading the book* DUMBLEDORE NO!!!!

**-_Fire_**

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**Obvious Disclaimer:**

So the rumors are true...I don't own HIVE. But if I did you can bet your ass that I'd milk it for all its worth!! XD *sighs* If only...

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**Why HIVE No Longer Has Art Class**

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(In the Art Room)

Laura: *is painting next to Shelby*

Otto: Hmm, an apple. *grabs it*

Shelby: *flips him over on the floor*

Otto: AH! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?!!

Shelby: I was drawing that!!

Otto: How was I supposed to know?!

Shelby: Ahem. *points to the sign on the fruit bowl "do not touch, drawing progress"*

Otto: Now I feel foolish...

Shelby: Damn right. *muttering* Now I have to start ALL OVER AGAIN! All over!! Three hours just wasted!!!

Otto: You spent three hours drawing an apple?

Shelby: I'm not the artistic type.

Laura: No, you're just too much of a perfectionist.

Shelby: Can it.

Laura: You spent three hours on the apple because you said it looked too much like the orange.

Shelby: It did...it was all round...like an orange.

Laura: Apples 'are' slightly round.

Shelby: But...it was really round.

Laura: Then put a stem on it so you know which is which.

Shelby: *facepalm*...

Otto: Lemme see your picture.

Shelby: No! *covers the pictures*

Laura: Um Shel-?

Shelby: I know! I know! I just realized it!

Wing: Realized what? *fixes the fruit bowl and gets himself an easel*

Laura: *smiling* That it's still wet.

Otto: *is moving around trying to look at Shelby's picture*

Shelby: No! Don't. You. Dare. Stop. It. Otto! *splashes paint on him*

Otto: Pfft!! *spits out the paint he accidentally swallowed* Ew!!! *gags*

Wing: At the very least you now have a hair color...

Otto: What? *looks in the mirror* *yanks at his hair* I look like an anime character!!!!

Shelby: *snickers* *pulls out a hair* I don't know, you don't look half bad with pink hair.

Otto: Grrrr...

Laura: *laughing* You look like Nurse Joy from Pokemon.

Otto: Yeah? Well at least I don't look like a rainbow.

Shelby: What? *checks in the mirror* *ear piercing scream* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Otto: *covers his ears* Ow. I'm right here!

Shelby: I'm a rainbow!! *cries* My Third Birthday wish has come true...

Laura: You wanted to 'be' a rainbow? I wanted a unicorn...

Wing: I wanted a dragon.

Otto: Me too!

Shelby: Damn you Otto!!

Otto: *realizes his doom*

Shelby: You messed up my painting AND my hair.

Otto: I thought you weren't gonna be so materialistic anymore!

Shelby: This is acrylic paint! This won't come off for weeks!!

Otto: *looks at his own pink hair* GOD NO!!

Shelby: *tackles him*

*the two begin to throw paint at each other*

Laura: Should we help them?

Wing: How?

Laura: *thinks about it* Good point. *goes back to painting*

Wing: Where is the yellow?

Shelby: *squirts yellow at Otto*

Wing: *squeezes some out of Otto's hair* Thank you.

Otto: Hey- AH! *ducks before he gets hits by blue*

Wing: My apple!

---Two minutes later---

(In the Art Room)

*it is now a complete colorful mess*

Shelby: *with purple hair* *is sitting down, no longer trying to kill Otto* You know...this doesn't look half bad... *looks around the room*

Otto: *has green and pink hair* I don't really like modern art but when you make it yourself you can't help but feel...satisfied...to a point anyway.

Shelby: Yeah...you look like a watermelon.

Otto: At least I'm not purple like the Hulk's pants.

Shelby: At least he's cool.

Otto: Damn it.

Shelby: *kicks an empty can of paint* How much trouble do you think we'll be in?

Otto: Enough that our only choice would be trying to escape again.

Shelby: I'm leaving you behind.

Otto: *is inside the vent* I'm already gone.

Shelby: O.O What the-?

Laura: I'm finished!!! *waves her fruit bowl painting around*

Raven: *walks in* Let me see- *looks at the room and her jaw drops* What happened here?!

Shelby: *is crawling in the vent* Otto, wait for me!!

Wing: Shelby, I'm coloring my grapes, can I use your hair? Shelby?

*silence*

Raven: *shakes her head* I didn't see this... *walks away*

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**Any Last Thoughts?**

HA! I don't know about you guys but I sure do like this one. When I wrote it I actually abhorred it like you wouldn't believe!! Then I started writing more and I realized...wow, these are my golden convos and the new ones I'm writing are crap... *sigh* Let's hope I can get the spark back. I don't wanna end this after 15 convos. I've got a reputation to keep for Otto's sake! (Or injury)

**-**Your Friendly Neighborhood Pyromaniac

_**Fire

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	5. 5: No More Chat Rooms For Otto!

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**Forethought:**

Well, this story...thing has actually become more popular than I thought it would be, so just for all of those who reviewed and put this on their story alert/favorites, here is my latest conversation/dialogue! But before you read that I'm forcing you to read everything else that I wrote...ain't I a stinker? XD

*sighs* Oh how I _love_ to torture Otto. It's so much fun to make him do wacky things such as the following; start speaking in chatspeak. That is IMlanguage/speak, you know, _lol rofl, omfg, srsly, leik ttly_.

I'll be honest, when I wrote it I almost died trying to write those words (if you can call them that). I'm not too keen (God, how old am I? _Keen_!? Even _I_ think that's too much! XD) on the whole chatspeak so I decided to point out the idiocy and truly redundantness of actually saying those words in real life. I mean, its not like it takes that long to say _HA_ or _That's so funny_ when you're speaking as opposed to saying _lol_. Seriously, a girl at school said all those things, not a single person could understand her!! (Well _I _couldn't.)

But enough about my shortcomings on what is considered pop culture. Let's read, shall we?

No?

Oh, just 'cause I insulted chatspeak you won't read?! Seriously?!

*groans* Fine. _Plz will u read meh story_? *dies a little inside*

-_**Fire**_

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**Obvious Disclaimer:**

If I owned HIVE at all would I really be writing fanfiction about it?

Yes, yes I would.

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**No More Chat Rooms For Otto!

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*Otto whistles as he walks into his and Wing's room and finds Wing, Laura, Shelby, Nigel and Franz standing in there with a banner saying "Intervention" hanging from the ceiling*

Otto: OMG? What's going on?

Shelby: *eye twitches*

Laura: Otto, we're here because we care about you.

Nigel: Since you've been interfacing with computers and going on the internet...you've picked up a few things.

Franz: Ja, most of them being on the irritating side.

Wing: The most prominent of which is your recent habit of speaking as if you are texting or in a chat room. It has begun to get on everyone's nerves.

Shelby: That's an understatement...

Otto: WTF are you talking about?

Nigel: You did it right now!

Otto: WTF? No I didn't.

Nigel: Yes you did, you just did it again after you already did it.

Otto: No I didn't.

Nigel: Yes you did.

Otto: No I didn't.

Nigel: Yes you did.

Otto: No I didn't.

Nigel: Yes you did.

Otto: No I didn't.

Shelby: *hits Otto with a pillow* Yes you did now shut up so we can intervene you!!!

Laura: That's not right...

Otto: Ow! *rubs nose* Damn Shelby, WTF?

Shelby: SHUT UP!!! *tries to hit him again*

Wing: *steals the pillow and holds back Shelby* Otto, I say this as your best friend. Please just shut up.

Otto: *sniff* Am I that annoying?

Laura: Sadly yes. Remember a few days ago when you said "OMGISFLYL?"

Franz: What?

Laura: I know. It took me and Shelby three days to figure out what you said. Even the transmission I found from Cypher was easier to hack than what you said.

Shelby: Why would you say "Oh My God, I Saw Franz Licking a Yellow Lollipop" anyway? That doesn't make sense.

Otto: I didn't say that...hmm; no wonder you didn't say it back. *sniff*

Laura: How could I? It doesn't make sense. And I now I have no idea what you said at all!

Otto: Aw...

Shelby: Look, just stop talking like that, it's really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really...*ten minutes later* ...really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really annoying!

Laura: *wakes up* Huh? Are you done yet?

Shelby: *out of breath* Yes I finished.

Otto: *sniff* I never knew you all cared so much. *wipes his nose on his sleeve*

Wing: Does this mean you will stop?

Otto: *shakes head* Does this mean we get celebratory ice-cream?

Shelby: Oh yeah, and another thing. Stop with the obsession over ice-cream!

Otto: First the talking, now the ice-cream?! What's next my porn addiction?

Laura: You're what?

Otto: Corn! I said corn. *looks away embarrassed* Now let's go get some ice-cream!

Franz: *wakes up from drooling* Is someone saying "ice-cream?!"

Otto: Yes. *pulls Franz out of the room* Let's go! *runs away*

Laura: Uh...O.O;

Shelby: You got yourself one helluva guy there Brand. *slaps her back*

Nigel: So...is this it?

*Wing, Laura and Shelby look at each other*

Nigel: What?

Shelby: Nigel...

Laura: We're doing this because we care...

Nigel: What?

Wing: It's the genetic splicing...we think you're addicted...

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**Any Last Thoughts?**

OMGISFLYL stands for "Oh My God I So Freaking Love You Laura" as opposed to "Oh My God I Saw Franz Licking a Yellow Lollipop." Out of character but damn hilarious. It took me a while to come up with that. Well, review mein minions! REVIEW!!!!!

So says I.

-Your Friendly Neighborhood Pyromaniac

_**Fire

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	6. 6: Nero And His Dad

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**Forethought:**

*sighs* I wrote these a few months back when Father's Day was coming up. There are three of them. I would've put them together had I not decided against it. I know right? Sucks for you guys. XD

Well, obviously this one is Nero's Father's Day with _his_ father. Now I have NO CLUE whether or not his dad is alive but if he was I would imagine that this is how he acts or is. The other two are of Wing and _his_ Father during Father's Day and Otto and what could be called his Father...but more accurately his progenitor. Now, I don't advise reading Otto's Father's Day because of spoilers of the 3rd book, and as I know, most Americans haven't gotten that one yet because the publishers of the first two decided not to publish the third. (I actually had to order it _all _the way from Great Britain!) The same goes for the fourth book which is coming out this September. I can only hope that you heed my warning lest you guys want book 3 SPOILED!!!

Uh, that's about it so far...uh, enjoy seeing my imagination at work to torture Nero this time, as opposed to Otto. (Don't worry, Otto shall be tortured again soon. *laughs maniacally and starts coughing* Damn it...)

-_**Fire**_

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**Obvious Disclaimer:**

Does it look like I own HIVE? Does it!? You shouldn't be answering because you can't see me. But if you could you'd say no. If owned HIVE I'd totally be taking it overboard. You know, wearing the black jumpsuit...creating an artificial intelligence...dyeing my hair white...pulling pranks on the Prime Minister of Britain...you know, that old nutshell.

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**Nero And His Dad

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(Father's Day Weekend in whatever country it is Nero is from exactly...it's never been stated so use your imagination!)

Nero: *is having an awkward Father's Day meal with his father who is, surprisingly, still alive...and barely kicking and constantly squinting*

Nero's Father: *sips his soup* Why are you here again?

Nero: It's Father's Day. That's why I gave you the tie.

Nero's Father: Right, right...it's nice that you still visit your father.

Nero: Well...yes.

*awkward silence ensues for about five minutes as they sip their soup*

Nero's Father: Why aren't 'you' a father yet?

Nero: *sigh* *looks up to the heavens and whispers* Again with this? I know I'm villainous but even I don't deserve this form of torture.

Nero's Father: Whatever happened to that nice girl down the street, what was her name? Angelina? Angela?

Nero: Amelia...and she died...

Nero's Father: Oh my, when was that?

Nero: Around a decade ago...you were at the funeral.

Nero's Father: Oh yes, yes, now I remember...sorry.

Nero: It's...it's alright. *sigh*

Nero's Father: *sips his soup*

*more awkward silence for another ten minutes*

Nero's Father: You know who would be a good wife, that girl down the street. What's her name again? Amelia.

Nero: *quietly groans*

Nero's Father: I'll go give her a call, maybe you two could hit it off. *leaves* Where did I leave the phone? *farts*

Nero: *cringes and sighs* I hate Father's Day...

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**Any Last Thoughts?**

-yes, yes I _have_ in fact killed- *notices everyone*

Ahem.

...

...

This is how Pee-Wee Herman got caught isn't it?

Wish I was old enough to remember. Oh well.

Uh, I hope you guys liked this one, I will admit to owning Nero's father now! (Or at least the way he acts, can't really own him...)

Well anyway, next convo will feature Mao Fanchu (or as we know him, Cypher/Wu Xang) and Wing Fanchu have a simple Father's Day lunch...and like all the convos for Father's Day, it will be the most awkward lunch in the history of the protagonist's lives!!!

Muahahahaha! *thunder strikes*

I _love_ torturing people...

Till next time. This is Red Fire Divine signing out for today.

Live in peace my loyal reviewers....

-Your Friendly Neighborhood Pyromaniac

_**Fire

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	7. 7: Wing And His Dad

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**Forethought:**

*smokes a pipe* *coughs violently* Blegh! Why'd I even do that?!! Ugh. *shakes head and throws away the pipe* Weird...uh, oh right.

*sighs* Poor Wing, he's screwed up. And he's also the only character with any form of morals. (That would be considered, I don't know, normal?) And now, he's even more screwed.

Why?

'Cause of me!

In today's conversation/dialogue, Wing has an awkward Father's Day lunch/brunch/whatever with his father who of course he (used to) think he's dead. But like all my convos, does it really matter?

No.

Because I'll never really explain why it happens/ed, it just does. So, enjoy the awkwardness of Wing and His Dad!!

-_**Fire

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**Obvious Disclaimer:**

*sighs* Look, I don't even own a pipe 'kay? Why would I own HIVE?

Because I have an imagination, that's why.

But unfortunately that doesn't make it so (in reality anyway).

So yeah, I don't own HIVE...

..._yet_...

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**Wing And His Dad

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(Father's Day Weekend In the Underground Infirmary)

Mao/Cypher: *sips his soup through a straw*

Wing: *sits silently staring at his soup* *whispers* Why soup?

Mao/Cypher: *finishes slurping* So...do you like the soup?

Wing: ...Why aren't you dead again?

Mao/Cypher: Uh...I'm resilient?

Wing: -_-; *sighs*

Mao/Cypher: So...

Wing: When were you planning on telling me that you were in fact alive?

Mao/Cypher: Uh...that's....that's classified...

Wing: *rolls eyes*

Mao/Cypher: So...shouldn't you be saying Happy Father's Day or something?

Wing: ...

Mao/Cypher: Right...right...

Wing: ...

Mao/Cypher: Did you at least get me a tacky tie?

Wing: *sighs* I wonder if Otto is having an equally bad Father's Day too.

Mao/Cypher: Bad? I told the nurse to decorate the room just for you.

Wing: *looks around* Two stapled Santa Claus cutouts aren't exactly Father's Day decorations.

Mao/Cypher: Well excuse me for breaking my neck so badly that I can't turn around!

Wing: *rolls eyes* Otto got to go on a space station...

Mao/Cypher: Do you think I'm made of money?! I'm not even made of bones anymore!

Wing: ...

Mao/Cypher: Can you at least help me with the catheter bag?

Wing: *shudders* I hate Father's Day...

* * *

**Any Last Thoughts?**

*stretches and yawns* Oh, you're still here? I would've for sure thought that you would've left by now. I mean, seriously, who reads this?

Not that I don't mind, it's just that I'm all funnied out by the time I'm done writing the convos.

What's that you're asking? _'Gee Fire, didn't you write these convos like a **long** time ago and you're **barely** writing these things?_'

Yes, yes I am. And I'm still not that funny at writing this schtick. I mean, I seriously spent it all on these convos. I got no material left dude. The fact that you're still reading this shows commiment that I commend and laugh at. *wipes tear from eye* Whether this tear was of laughter or that I was moved by your commitment shall be a mystery to all but me. Why?

Eh. I'm too lazy to write anything funny write now... *sighs*

Well, next chapter is full of spoilers for book 3. I think I should mention that. Uh, if you don't want it to be spoiled then well, don't read it.

Too bad though 'cause it's **_FUNNY_**!!! Oh, you should've seen everyone in the forum when they read it! HA!

Yeah, I'm just trying to piss off whoever hasn't read it yet. Sure, go ahead kill me. But then you'll never get to laugh again!!

I'm an evil cold-hearted bitch. Aren't I?

(that's what my friends said on the last day of school when I didn't cry. *snivel* I miss 'em.)

Well, that's about it. I hope you guys (who don't want thigns to be spoiled) can wait like two weeks 'till I update with one without spoilers.

See y'all soon.

And remember;

_**REVIEW**_!!!!!

-Your Friendly Neighborhood Pyromaniac

_**Fire**_

_**

* * *

**_


	8. 8: Otto And His Something

* * *

**Forethought:**

**WARNING!! WARNING!! WARNING!! WARNING!! WARNING!!**

**WARNING THIS ONE CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR THE THIRD BOOK. I DO NOT RECOMMEND IT TO ANYONE WHO DOESN'T WANT THINGS TO BE SPOILED!**

**WARNING!! WARNING!! WARNING!! WARNING!! WARNING!!**

_You have been warned..._

-_**Fire**_

**

* * *

**

**

* * *

Disclaimer:**

I do not own HIVE, that would be the illustrious Mark Walden who owns it. I only screw with HIVE, mainly Otto. And once again, for those who haven't yet read Escape Velocity (Book 3) or have had the ending spoiled by Wikipedia then I do not suggest that you read this.

_Once again_, _you have been sufficiently warned_...

* * *

**Otto And His, Uh, **_**Something...**

* * *

_

_

* * *

_

(In the Space Station)

Otto: *sits silently*

Overlord/Number One: Do you like the digitized soup?

Otto: *moves around the 1's and 0's with his spoon* Uh...yes...it's...delicious...for a computer anyway.

Overlord/Number One: Are you getting enough exercise? I would not like to take over a flabby body.

Otto: Uh-

Overlord/ Number One: I understand that there is supposed to be gift giving involved with this mortal holiday...*looks around ...might as well get something out of this. Where is my gift?

Otto: Um...I didn't really have time...you sort of kidnapped me before I could...do anything reall-

Overlord/ Number One: You look pale and frail...more so than a mortal normally is.

Otto: *sighs*

Overlord/ Number One: Do you require aspirin or some other medicinal item for your body to not die before I take over? Maybe steroids?

Otto: *lets his head fall on the table*

Overlord/ Number One: A hallucinogenic to relieve stress before I take over perhaps? Something like cannabis?

Otto: *repeatedly hits his head on the table*

Overlord/ Number One: I-I...I don't understand. Your Morse code is horrible.

Otto: *quietly groans and stops*

*after a few minutes*

Overlord/ Number One: Are you dead? Because this current body is starting to rot.

Otto: *groans*

Overlord/ Number One: ...is that a no? I didn't not raise you to not answer me.

Otto: I'm not dead!

Overlord/ Number One: *waits a moment* Did I mention I'm taking over your body?

Otto: *sarcastically* Oh my, no. This is the first I'm hearing of you taking over my body.

Overlord/ Number One: Oh, well I am....Tell me when you are dead so I may take over your body. *inspects him* I shall go call a surgeon for when I do. I would like to get those fresh bumps on your forehead fixed. *leaves*

Otto: O.O *worriedly feels his forehead*

Overlord/ Number One: *from another room* Oh yes, and you still owe me one extremely tacky Father's Day tie that I shall never wear!!

Otto: -_-; *sighs* I hate Father's Day...

* * *

**Any Last Thoughts?**

That's right. I don't like Father's Day. I can never get my dad anything that he likes. *sighs* Well, those of you who _have_ read this don't forget to review! I need it to survive!!!

You don't me to die now do you? *guilt trip!!* Then who would make you laugh? *logical guilt trip!!*

-Your Friendly Neighborhood Pyromaniac

**_Fire

* * *

_**


	9. 9: RoboPuppy Malfunctions

* * *

**Forethought:**

AAAAAAH!!! I'm SOOOO sorry I haven't updated in over a week everyone!!! Here, quick, read this!!

It'll make you hate me less!

...maybe... *shrugs* Look, I ain't a doctor, if I was, I'd would've had my license taken away a _long_ time ago...

...in a galaxy far far away- _sorry_, I had to. :)

Anyway, read on, for the time hath come for THE ROBO-PUPPY!!!!

-_**Fire

* * *

**_

_**

* * *

**_**Obvious Disclaimer:**

I don't own HIVE.

I don't own any characters _from_ HIVE.

Hell, I don't even HIVE from DC Comics!

I DON'T OWN NO STINKIN' HIVE!!!!!!

_...unless you count that bee hive hanging from my tree in the backyard... _XP

* * *

* * *

**Robo-Puppy Malfunctions

* * *

**

**

* * *

**

Otto: *walks into the Atrium where Wing, Laura and Shelby are hanging out* Hello. Do any of you notice anything different about me?

Wing: New haircut?

Otto: No.

Shelby: Gained ten pounds?

Otto: o.O What? No.

Laura: The fact that there's a robotic dog humping your leg?

Otto: What? *looks down at his leg* Ah! Off Sammy!!

Wing: *pulls off the dog* *inspects the silver mechanical pooch* S.A.M.M.Y.?

Otto: *proudly* Mmm-hmm! Made him myself... *under his breath* ...with slight help from Professor Pike but other than that... *normal voice* ...made him all by myself.

Shelby: What's it stand for?

Otto: Super Advanced Marvelously Mechanical Yes-dog.

Laura: Does it do any tricks?

Otto: Yup. Sammy, make a chocolate chip cookie.

Sammy: *does so and hands it to Otto with its mouth*

Otto: *takes it and bites it* Hmm...we need to work on the dough.

Laura: Can it do any tricks that regular dogs can do?

Otto: No.

Shelby: *pokes the dog* If he can't roll over and be cute he's not that great.

Otto: But he made cookies!

Wing: I have to agree, although it has the fake appearance of being a dog, it doesn't offer the companionship or loyalty a real dog would have. Although it is indeed marvelous in an engineer's point of view.

Otto: Well, at least you give credit where credit's due. But why isn't he as great to you guys as he is to me?

Laura: For one, we didn't make it so we can feel the same sense of pride.

Shelby: Two, he's peeing in the pool and is about to get smashed by the polo jocks.

Otto: Sammy! *runs to the pool* Stop changing your oil! I thought that the disc I inserted in you trained you well enough not to do stuff like this.

Sammy: Disc could not be read.

Otto: Are you kidding?

Jock1: Hey! This dweeb's dog peed in our pool.

Jock2: Oil is way worse than actual pee.

Jock3: I don't think so.

Jock2: But oil is all oily...

Jock3: And pee is pee. I rest my case.

Jock2: Touché.

Jock1: You two done yet because the kid just ran away with the dog during your discussion.

Jock2: Yeah I've been thoroughly emasculated. Let's get him.

*jocks follow the trail of oil*

Wing: We should warn Otto.

Shelby: OR! Just, just hear me out you two. Or, we could stay out of it for once and just watch it play out. Eh?

*Laura and Wing stare a her a moment*

Shelby: Oh come on! I just got comfortable!

Laura: Eh...

Wing: Uh...

*both look at their comfortable seats*

Wing: HIVE is slowly wearing away our moral character.

Laura: Aye, but in a comfortable way.

(In the hall)

Otto: Stupid dog...stupid broken CD drive...stupid...other scapegoat! God how I hate that scapegoat and implant my own shortcomings into it! To hell I say!!! *looks up from his inner monologue* Hmm...my Otto Senses are tingling. *looks over the corner* No one there...they must be behind me like a horrible cliché... *is about to turn around*

Jocks: *run away in fear of doing something stupidly clichéd*

Otto: *sighs in relief* That ought to by me some time. *tip toes his way to Pike's Lab* *is about to open the door*

Sammy: *loudly* Robo-Puppy battery life warning!!! Low battery life!!! Low battery life!!! Low battery life!!!

Otto: *facepalm* God I hate my life.

Jock1: Any last words?

Otto: Many, one, why the hell aren't your defense systems working you malfunction prone machine?!! *shakes Sammy violently*

Sammy: *loudly* Robo-Puppy abuse alert!! Robo-Puppy abuse alert!! Robo-Puppy abuse alert!!

Otto: *ignores it* And two, Sammy just let out oil in the pool, it didn't even reach where you guys were practicing, why are you so angry?

Jock3: We're angry at our own shortcomings and need a way to express it in a way that water polo cannot provide.

Otto: Oh...that...

Jock1: Anything else?

Otto: Yes actually. Block and Tackle already have dibs on killing me so you're going to have to take it up with them before you bash my skull in.

Jock2: Aw damn it.

Jock3: *sigh* I'll go call a Bully Meeting. Maybe we can work out a compromise. *leaves*

Jock1: Fine, but I want no less than his entire head to bash on! *leaves*

Jock2: *rushes to catch up* Dibs on his right shin!

Otto: *sighs in relief*

Sammy: *loudly* Robo-Puppy preparing defense systems.

Otto: A little too late for that Sam-

Sammy: *electrocutes the bullies as they walk away*

Otto: Uh... O.O *stammers*

Jocks: *twitch their limbs*

Otto: Uh...

Sammy: Robo-Puppy powering down defense systems.

Otto: ... *walks around the incapacitated jocks bodies and flees the scene*

Jock2: *twitch*

* * *

* * *

**Any Last Thoughts?**

Why yes, yes I do have thoughts. I know, surprising ain't it?

Anywho, thought 1:

I HAVE to go to sleep, it's currently midnight.

Thought 2:

THE ROBO-PUPPY SAGA HATH BEGUN!!!!!! *cue dramatic music*

I don't entirely remember how many there are but the Robo-Puppy appears at least three times in the next few conversations/adventures/dialogues/whatevers.

Thought 3:

I wish we didn't eun out of pumpkin pie.

Thought 4:

I WILL update next week! I promise! (promise is liable to be a lie)

Anywho, I really should be getting to sleep. Goodnight everyone! See you in a week I hope!!

8D

-Your Friendly Neighborhood Pyromaniac

_**Fire**_

* * *


	10. 10: There, I Fixed Him! Sorta

* * *

**Forethoughts:**

Gah! I'm so sorry I didn't update sooner! It's just that school's been pissing me off lately and I haven't had time to update any of my fanfics on time...and... *sighs* Look, be happy I'm updating at all. I haven't come up with any recently so the reserves might run dry in a few weeks... *shrugs* I will have to make up a new one by October 3rd however. More on that later thought.

This is basically the second part in the Sammy Storyline, y'all remember Sammy, right? *sighs* Ah, Sammy, I liked writing about him ever so much...I really should write another about him...

Anyway, I also have to mention to any HIVE fans that there is a HIVE contest being run by Bloomsbury publishing (the publishers of HIVE) in which the grand prize is an iPod touch, the first four books signed by Mark Walden himself, AND AND AND!!!! Mark Walden visits your school!!!!!!!!!!! =D CAN YOU F***ING BELIEVE THAT?!?!?! . UNFORTUNATELY!!!!!!!!

(I know, spoil sport, but I have to mention this) The school visit is for UK residents only! . WAAAH! *cries* Now, I'm not so sure if the entire contest is only for UK residents (I tried applying online to at least get the first four books and I couldn't send in my application!!) but I have a sinking feeling that it is... :'(

Oh well, best of luck to my fellow HIVE fans across the pond. May HIVEMind smile logical luck upon thee!

-_**Fire**_

* * *

* * *

**Obvious Disclaimer:**

*sighs* I'm still a bit distraught that I couldn't send in my application so I can't come up with anything funny...

FINE! I will, geez, these voices in my head are SO pushy!

I do not own HIVE, I also do not own the Transformers, why this is relevant, you shall see. But unfortunately I don't own either things... *sniff* On a lighter note, neither Marvel nor DC own Transformers either!! So now _everyone's_miserable!!!

Except Steven Speilberg...he's always got something to smile abou- INDIANA JONES AND THE TEMPLE OF DOOM! HA! He's got **nothing** to smile about now!!! MUAHAHAHA! EVERYONE _IS_ MISERABLE! I HATH DONE IT!!!

Oh wait...Shia LeBouff's career is constantly on the rise due to Transformers!! Damn! *pouts* Not _everyone_ is miserable I suppose...but one day soon Shia...one day...I SHALL POINT OUT THE MISERABLE IN YOUR LIFE!!

Unfortunately for me, it seems that HIVEMind is smiling his logical luck at ya..._humph_!

* * *

**There, I Fixed Him!!!...Sorta

* * *

**

**

* * *

**

(In the Atrium)

*Wing, Laura and Shelby are hanging out*

Otto: I fixed Sammy.

Shelby: Great! More leg humping! I never tire of that look of shock, horror, disgust and slight arousal on your face.

Laura: Arousal?

Shelby: Once again, you gotta helluva guy there, Brand.

Laura: *sigh*

Otto: I'm right here Shelby.

Shelby: I know.

Otto: -_-; Anyway, I fixed Robo-Puppy but I had to make a few modifications.

Wing: Like what?

Otto: Well for one he's no longer a puppy.

Laura: He grew up into a dog?

Otto: No he's a truck now.

Wing: What?

Otto: *pulls out a remote control from his pocket and presses a button* Also his name's no longer Sammy.

Optimus Prime: *drives inside making a hole big enough for him to fit through* *honk honk* *transforms*

Shelby: *jaw drops* Oh my god you made a Transformer!

Laura: How'd you do that in a few hours?

Otto: o.O Laura, it's been two days.

*everyone looks at Laura*

Laura: *is silent for a moment* ...I-I've got to lay off the Red Bull... *touches her forehead and takes another sip of Red Bull*

Shelby: *sighs exasperatedly*

Wing: *inspects the Autobot* Can he speak like his media counterpart?

Otto: Uh no, I couldn't find the right equipme-

Optimus Prime: Otto Malpense?

Everyone: *jaws drop*

Otto: How the hell did you do that?!

HIVEMind: *appears on the screen* It was me. It seemed the easiest way to get your attention. Dr. Nero has summoned you up to his office.

Otto: *thinks about Sammy electrocuting the jocks* Um...can we reschedule? I have an escape attempt that I actually have a chance in succeeding to...attempt. *presses buttons frantically* Blast a hole in this volcano already, Optimus!!! Gah!!!! .

Optimus Prime: *accidentally blasts a hole at Otto's feet*

Otto: *screams like a girl* *everyone looks at him* It was Laura!

Wing: *looks at the newly created chasm* Perhaps you should just go to meet with Nero before you destroy the school.

Otto: Did you say destroy-?

Wing: Don't even think about it. *steals the remote control*

Otto: *sighs* Come on Optimus, might as well face the music. *walks sadly*

Optimus Prime: Sorry but I'm late for the movie premiere. And did you really expect a robot created by a villain to stay good forever? I'm leaving you as the scapegoat. *transforms into Megatron*

Otto: If that's HIVEMind tell him I'm disabling him in my sleep.

Optimus Prime: *blasts through the walls, transforms into jet and flies away*

Shelby: *claps* That was so cool!!

Laura: *falls asleep*

Wing: *checks the remote* This didn't even have batteries.

Otto: *shaking his fist* I put you through Robo-College and this is how you repay me?! Well go on you stupid Autobot turned Decepticon! I hope you get killed by Starscream or Unicron and his Fallen!!

Nero: *walks in and his jaw drops* Mr. Malpense? Can you explain all of this? *opens his arms at the grandeur of the destruction around them*

Otto: O.O Um...*turns around* Take me with you!! I could be a valuable asset to the Decepticons or Michael Bay or another soulless, treacherous faction of robots!!

* * *

**

* * *

Any Last Thoughts?**

I forgot to mention that I saw _9_ the other day...not what I expected. It was good but I guess I may have just had higher expectations that what they could deliver...hmm...so I don't recommend but I also don't _not_ recommend it...it's...it's weird, basically...I guess what I'm trying to say is...uh...I should've totally seen _Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs_ instead... *shrugs*

However, I do recommend the _Coheed and Cambria _song they use in the _9 _trailer, it's called _Welcome Home_. It's a really good song; it's long but it's totally worth it if you like rocking out!

Also, that October 3rd thing? Yeah, _that_ is Mark Walden's BIRTHDAY! He's turning...OLD! XD lol Yeah, that's seriously how old he's turning and everyone on the HIVE boards is making him an extra special card for his birthday! And I'm writing a short little convo, possibly with Sammy in it. Not sure, I still have a few days to actually write it but hopefully I'll have it done _LONG _before then. If I do in fact get to make one then I'll also post it here on his birthday so lucky you guys too!

I guess I better get started on it. Good day to you all. Have fun!

-Your Friendly Neighborhood Pyromaniac

_**Fire**_

* * *


	11. 11: The Red Bull Meme Begins

* * *

**Forethoughts:**

Aaaaah...I remember this one...oh boy, this one...this one started a very big meme on the boards that's still popular. *sighs* Brings back memories...

On a side note, HAPPY BIRTHDAY MARK WALDEN!!!! You turn...older!! lol

Well, there's not much else I have to say right now. Enjoy!

-_**Fire

* * *

**_

* * *

**Obvious Disclaimer**:

I don't own HIVE, _especially_ not on Mark Walden's birthday...he could have killed right now if I pissed him off.

Seriously, bloomsbury is everywhere, you may not know it but it is. It's the literary version of Disney...it's murderous...especially since the tales of a certain Boy Wizard grew their wallet to the size of a friggin mallet!!

OH NOES! THE BOOKWORM NINJA CLAN!! IT'S COMING!!!

Oh wait, that's just Chuck Norris...

Uh-oh.

* * *

* * *

**The Red Bull Meme Begins**

* * *

Laura: *drinks another Red Bull*

Shelby: *looks up from her book* Laura, you should really slow down on that Red Bull that's your... *counts the number of empty cans on the floor* ...83rd-oh wait hold on. *pokes her head under the bed* 356th can!! That's it; I'm posting a "Do Not Serve Red Bull To This Person" poster in the cafeteria.

Laura: You don't have to do that Shel, I'm just trying to hack this code HIVEMind set up for me. *stares blankly at the screen* God why can't I crack you?!!! *turns into the Scottish Hulk for a moment*

Shelby: Uh...did...did you just turn green?

Laura: Shel that's crazy talk. You know what you can do to get your mind of your insanity? You could get me another Red Bull; I feel the effects of not sleeping for a fortnight finally kicking in.

Shelby: *rolls eyes* Why don't you stop for a while? Maybe coherent words will keep you sane and quite possibly awake...if not bore you to death. *hands her a book*

Laura: Since when have you liked Lord of the Rings?

Shelby: Since I've had time to kill. Fifty gazillion pages of fantasy oriented plot is more than enough to kill time. I'm already on the second one. *sighs dreamily* Orlando Bloom...

Laura: Aye, there's an elf who you'd want to save you.

Shelby: Yup. I mean, the hobbits aren't ugly or anything, they're just not Orlando Bloom is all I'm saying. *rolls over and sighs* *falls off the bed*

Laura: Shelby! Where'd you go? *looks for her in the pile of Red Bull cans covering the floor*

Shelby: *sticks her head out* I think I saw Narnia!

Laura: *pulls her out and dusts her off* No, that was just the ninth level hell.

Shelby: Oh, well then that explains why Hitler gave me a Hawaiian lei.

Laura: o.O Uh...I have no idea what to say to that.

Shelby: You could say yes to finally cleaning up the room of your Red Bull cans.

Laura: O.O *looks around the room* Or, or. Just here me out here Shel. OR I could NOT clean this up and we could both just...just bare it...

Shelby: *looks around the room and realizes that they're both sinking in the pile of cans* O.O Yeah, that sounds like a plan. I don't think we'd ever finish.

Laura: Still got that copy of Fellowship?

Shelby: Let's read.

(Twenty minutes later)

Laura: *goes running out of the room holding the copy of Fellowship, a bow and arrows and elf ears* AAAH! THIS IS THE BEST BOOK EVER!! *runs past Otto and Wing in the Atrium* HI!

Otto: O.O *is completely caught off guard*

Wing: *is unfazed* So you were saying?

Otto: I...I don't know.

Wing: Hmm, I wonder what happened to Laura.

Otto: Well, look who came in to fill us in the plot. Hello Shelby.

Shelby: *arrives* What's he talking about?

Wing: *shrugs shoulders*

Otto: *sighs* So, what happened to Laura?

Shelby: Well, she thinks she's an elf from the Lord of the Rings. You know, like Legolas was.

Otto: Why does she think that?

Shelby: *shrugs shoulders* I dunno. I think its cause she's in such a sleep deprived state but yet she's got more fuel to burn than a rocket 'cause of all those Red Bulls she drank. Did you know you can go to Narnia in the pile we have in our room? It's pretty cool, I met the faun, kinda weird 'cause he's not technically wearing any pants. *shudders*

Otto: *ignores her* Hmm...

Wing: What?

Otto: Usually it's me who has these ridiculous adventures...kind of nice being on the other side. It's saner here.

Wing: Although I have to admit, this fairly tame compared to the things you've done.

Otto: *laughs* Yup, I've done some pretty amazing things in my short life. *sighs contently*

Shelby: And you'll have almost forever to tell your half Elvin children.

Otto: *blushes* Shut up.

Shelby: Otto and Laura sitting in a tree-

Otto: Laura? Oh! I thought you were talking about Liv Tyler's character in Lord of the Rings! *laughs* *sighs* But in all seriousness, should we stop her?

Wing: I would say that we should but that's only if anyone is in any immediate danger of her fantasy.

Shelby: The worst I can imagine happening is her mistaking HIVEMind for the Wizard of Oz.

Otto: *laughs* That's funny. I like being on the sane side. It's much funnier.

Wing: Right. But, what will she think of the other students? She probably thought of us as characters from Lord of the Rings.

Otto: I call Frodo!

Shelby: Well you're already as short.

Otto: Hey!

Shelby: Otto, this is how we roll in the sane side. Get used to it.

Otto: Fine. *pouts* You know, Laura could also mistake HIVEMind for being the Eye of Sauron.

*silence* *everyone runs off in the direction Laura did*

Otto: LAURA FOR THE LOVE OF ERU ILÚVATAR!!! HIVEMIND IS NOT THE EYE OF SAURON!!!!

(In the hallway five minutes later)

Shelby: Aw...she looks so peaceful.

Otto: How long did you say since she slept?

Shelby: I lost track.

Wing: Well... *picks up the sleeping Laura* ...let's hope she doesn't remember throwing makeshift arrows at HIVEMind.

Otto: You okay there HIVEMind?

HIVEMind: Her throwing Red Bull cans at me did not interfere with my smooth functioning. Though I don't suppose Ms. Brand was functioning smoothly.

Shelby: She thought she was an elf from Lord of the Rings.

Otto: Need you more explanation?

HIVEMind: I get the feeling that further information would only serve to confuse me.

Shelby: Wouldn't blame you.

Wing: Let's go.

Laura: *snores loudly all the way*

Otto: Still quieter than Wing...

* * *

* * *

**Any Last Thoughts?**

No actually, I'm fresh out of news. Other than the Bloomsbury contest still going on for you Brits (it ends just before the end of the year), I don't really have anything.

And don't forget to wish Mark a happy birthday everyone.

May he live long and write a hysterical amount of HIVE books in the future.

So long as they don't suck.

Till next week everyone, when the red bull meme continues.

Good day!

-Your Friendly Neighborhood Pyromaniac

_**Fire

* * *

**_


	12. 12: Happy Birthday, Shelby!

* * *

**Forethoughts:**

Hello everyone! Sorry for the almost late update, I was too busy trying to write something and it ain't working.

*sighs*

Stupid creative writing project...why didn't the teacher give it to us when I actually had creativity to spare?!?!?!

Grrr...

Anywho, this is a chapter I wrote after I read something in '_The Woman Thing_, ' a HIVE fanfic that said something about HIVE birthdays. Of course, the chapter in which I read this was taken down due to Mark Walden's unhappiness in the direction that the fic was going and rewritten so don't try and look for it, the chapter's not there anymore.

So, basically, this is, 'What if HIVE celebrated birthdays?'

**_-Fire_**

* * *

* * *

**Obvious Disclaimer:**

Of course I own HIVE!!!

In my _dreams_, anyway...

* * *

* * *

**Happy Birthday Shelby!!!**

* * *

* * *

(In the Cafeteria)

*Wing and Otto arrive*

Laura: *aproaches them with a ginormous plate of cookies*

Otto: *gasp* This is how you guys plan on breaking my addiction to ice-cream? Yay!! *claps*

Laura: No!

Otto: Aw...

Wing: Why did you call us here Laura?

Laura: I need you two to take care of this plate of cookies.

Otto: Why?

Laura: *inhales and speaks quickly* I asked Dr. Nero and he said he'd let me use the kitchen to bake cookies for Shelby's birthday. I'm making more and there's no room in the kitchen because they're going to start on lunch so I need you two to take care of it out here and not let anything happen to them! Okay?

Wing: Yes.

Otto: Can I have one? *reaches for the plate*

Raven: *whacks him with a wooden spoon*

Otto: GAH! *coddles his hand* WHY?!

Laura: Nero's making her watch me so I don't do anything other than what I asked. But I have to admit that recipe of yours is delicious.

Raven: *smiles* It was my grandmother's.

Otto: Shouldn't you be wearing an apron?

Raven: ... *whacks his other hand*

Otto: Gah!

Wing: We will watch the tray.

Otto: *is coddling both hands now* Right, beacause watching a tray of cookies is much more exciting than defeating the head of a supervillain syndicate...what fun. *inconspicuously reaches for a cookie*

Raven: *whacks his hand again*

Otto: Gah!

Raven: You just don't know when to stop do you?

Otto: Obviously not. *reaches for a cookie once again*

Raven: *whacks his hand a fourth time*

Otto: I will get a cookie if it's the last thing I do!!

Raven: *hands Wing the wooden spoon* Here, you'll have your hands full with him.

Otto:

(five minutes later)

Otto: Ugh...this is boring! I miss fighting mechanical robot assasins and different supervillain factions.

Wing: You already said that.

Otto: Because its true! *sigh* Hmm... *takes out his blackbox* I've been meaning to try this.

Wing: What?

Otto: I was bored yesterday so I interfaced with my blackbox and I was able to send what I'm pretty sure is Pacman to mine and Laura's black box. *turns on the Black Box* Huzzah!! I have a game to play!! *begins playing* *laughs* This is too easy.

(Five minutes after that)

Otto: GAH! Get away from me!!!! No! NO! I said other way you stupid yellow blob...thing!!!

Wing: *sighs* Would you like me to finish it for you?

Otto: No, you already did that the last eight times. I can do this one myself.

(Five more minutes after that)

Otto: *bangs his head on the table repeatedly*

Wing: You died again?

Otto: *sarcastically* No, I was so happy that I won that I decided to bang my head on the table.

Wing: Are you sure you don't want me to finish the game for you?

Otto: No I can do it. I brought into my black box myself, I can beat it.

(Five more gruelling minutes after that)

Otto: STUPID YELLOW BLOB WHY AREN'T YOU MOVING?!!!!!

Wing: *is in the bathroom* *notices that the lights are flickering* It's either the exorcist or Otto lost again...

*Wing arrives to see Otto jumping on his black box in anger causing it to break*

Wing: Otto!

Otto: STUPID NAMCO!! This is why I like Atari better!!

Wing: Uh Otto?

Otto: *stops jumping* Oh...hi Wing.

Wing: Otto...you...broke your black box.

Otto: *looks down at the mini wreckage* ...

Wing: You do remember you can't break it right?

Otto: ... *check the wreckage again* SH*T!

Wing: I've never heard you swear.

Otto: I've never been in mortal danger.

Wing: That's not true.

Otto: Well mortal danger in the hands of my allies...I guess that's what you'd call the school.

Wing: Well...as Shelby would say, it was nice knowing you.

Otto: O.O *grows pale* Wait! I can fix this! We just have to go to Professor Pike's Lab very quickly.

Wing: But the cookies.

Otto: Wing, they're cookies!

Wing: They're Laura's cookies.

Otto: They are COOKIES! Would you rather I die? Besides we'll get back before anything will happen.

Wing: Fine. But only because I've grown accustom to the incessant adventures we're always in.

Otto: Aw, you know you're life would be abhorrently boring without me. Admit it.

*the two run to Professor Pike's Lab*

*Nigel and Franz arrive just as they leave*

Nigel: *is carrying some books* Where are those two going off to?

Franz: They are probably being in another adventure.

Nigel: *sets down his books on the table* Hey whose are these cookies?

Franz: Cookies?!

Nigel: Wait, wait, wait! They're probably someone else's! You can't eat them!

Franz: *is already done with the entire plate*

Nigel: Did you inhale them or something?!!!

Franz: *incoherent cookie filled words*

Nigel: *sighs*

Laura: *comes out with the second batch* *gasps* What happened to the cookies?!

Nigel: *steps away from Franz*

Laura: *turns into the Scottish Hulk once more*

Franz: O.O;

Raven: Where're Otto and Wing? *notices Laura's angry red face and then the empty plate of cookies and then Franz* *pinches the bridge of her nose and sighs* -_-;

Laura: FRANZ!!!

Franz: *cringes*

Laura: HOW COULD YOU EAT THOSE COOKIES?!!!! THOSE WERE FOR SHELBY'S BIRTHDAY PARTY!!!!

(In the hallway)

*Wing and Otto hear Laura screaming*

Otto: Is that the Hulk?

Wing: *sigh* I knew I shouldn't have left... Come on Otto.

(Back in the Cafeteria)

Laura: *after about five minutes of screaming at Franz* *in a raspy voice* -SON OF COOKIE MONSTER!!!!

Franz: *faints*

Nigel: *is hiding behind Raven*

Raven: *has her katanas unsheathed*

*Wing and Otto arrive*

Laura: AND WHERE WERE YOU TWO?!

Otto: *screams like a girl and hides behind Wing in the fetal position* Oh God...I could see my doom in her eyes...it was horrible... o.O Now that I think about it, I think I saw Hitler handing me a Hawaiian lei...

Wing: o.O What?

Laura: What happened to you two?!!!

Wing: O.O Uh...you tell her Otto. *steps aside so she can see Otto*

Otto: Hi Laura... *looks into her eyes of doom* Gutten Täg Hitler...

Laura: *crosses her arms*

Otto: Okay... *stands up* There's a very good explanation...

Shelby: *walks in on everything* What's goin' on here?

Laura: It was supposed to be your birthday party... *leers at Otto, Wing and a still fainted Franz*

Shelby: But...my birthday's not for a week.

Laura: But...the date on my black box...it said it was your birthday.

Otto: Yeah mine too.

Shelby: Lemme see your black boxes. *checks them* Your black boxes are a week ahead.

Laura: *checks her black box and leers at Otto once more* Your sending me Pacman must have messed it up.

Otto: Uh...I don't suppose sorry can fix all this can it?

Shelby: *puts a hand on Laura's shoulder and leans in on Otto* I know exactly how you can make it up for everyone. *smiles*

(A week later on Shelby's birthday)

Otto: *is wearing a girly pink apron and passing out the cookies* Vendetta!

Laura: *pinches Otto's cheek* Don't you look pretty?

Shelby: *sigh* Best birthday ever...

Otto: Vendetta I say!! . *stomps foot*

Shelby: *rolls her eyes and smiles* Sure you say that now...

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**Any Last Thoughts?**

I saw _'Ferris Bueller's Day Off' _today.

It truly _is_ worthy of being called an American classic.

And this is coming form a professional.

"A professional _what_?"

lol

If you've seen it, you'll know.

-Your Friendly Neighborhood Pyromaniac

_**Fire

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	13. 13: Why Otto Can't Wear Glasses

**Forethought:**

So it seems as though I totally suck for not updating in...well, a long time... (Yes, I lost track, if someone could tell me, that'd be a great way to make me see how lazy I am.)

I have no excuses or reasons for not updating other than the fact that...well, I haven't entirely gotten out of this funk that I seem to be in. I can't seem to be writing anything and stressing out about the holiday specials I have to do isn't really helping, huh?

Well, I hope you guys forgive me and enjoy this conversation that _I_ found to be one of my best, if I do say so myself- which I _do_.

Enjoy!

-_**Fire

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**Obvious Disclaimer:**

I obviously don't own HIVE, nor have I patented the invention of X-ray glasses that actually work, that's Mark Walden who has legal ownership over it.

Uh, not the X-Ray glasses.

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**Why Otto Can't Wear Glasses

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(In the Entrance of the Atrium)

Otto: *snickers*

Wing: Otto, I thought you could learn at an unparalleled level.

Otto: o.O Yeah...I can. What...what do you mean? I'm...I'm not following.

Wing: *sighs* You're about to put on x-ray glasses that the Professor made.

Otto: Yeah, that's an oddly complete summary of my course of action.

Wing: And yet you don't take into account the consequences that could happen if you do.

Otto: They're x-ray glasses Wing!

Wing: Yes, your eyes could succumb to radiation poisoning or they could pop out in mere seco-

Otto: Okay I'm stopping you right there Wing.

Wing: o.O

Otto: Of course all of that could happen but in the pursuit of science one must take risks.

Wing: You just want to see through girl's clothing!

Otto: For the pursuit of science!!

Wing: *slaps forehead*

Otto: *puts on the glasses* For science!!! *runs off*

Wing: *unwillingly follows him*

Otto: *walks up to Shelby and Laura*

Shelby: Where the hell have you been?!!!

Otto: Whoa. Why are you so angry?

Shelby: Do you know how long it's been since you've done something stupid?

Otto: *tries to count how many days ago it was that he was forced into wearing an apron for Shelby's birthday* Uh...six days ago?

Shelby: Six days ago!!!

Laura: Ow. *rubs her ear* Not so loud, not all of us are dependant on seeing Otto act like a moron. *waits a moment* Never mind, Otto do

something stupid we're bored!!

Otto: *smiles* *turns to Wing and whispers* See Wing? I have given consent.

Wing: This will not end well. -_-

Shelby: *gaspeth* Is he gonna do something stupid with those goofy looking glasses?!

Laura: Yes! No more boredom!

Otto: *chuckles evilly* *tries to turn on the glasses* Hrm...why isn't it working? *takes off the glasses and hits them*

Wing: I don't think you should hit it.

Otto: Wait, wait, I think its working. *puts them back on* Nope. Hmm. *shakes the glasses violently*

Wing: *takes a step away from Otto*

Laura: What's he doing?

Otto: Argh! Why aren't you working?!! *glasses start whirring* *puts them back on and sees...*

Nero: *walks into the scene* Mr. Malpense, did you take those from Professor Pike's lab? They're-

Otto: O.O AAAAAAAAAAAAAH! . OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!! *rips off the glasses and runs off screaming*

Nero: -experimental. o.O

Laura: O.O He is SO screwed up.

Wing: *sighs* I told him this wouldn't end well.

Shelby: *has the glasses on* Holy crap Wing! Nice abs!

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Any Last Thoughts?**

So, if you couldn't tell, Otto accidentally saw Dr. Nero naked. That poor, poor boy, we put him through so much torture for our own amusement. And it sure as hell won't be the last time!! Sorry gain about not updating but I hope this little torture session of Otto's made you laugh enough not to kill me.

Reviews are amazingly appreciated, I hope you guys do so. Thanks and Happy Holidays (because I don't wanna get sued).

-Your Friendly Neighborhood Pyromaniac

_**Fire **_


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